My Mom - The PR Rep

As some of you may know, I have written two books and am working really hard to self publish one of them through Amazon. There are some things I have come to realize through this process—self publishing for the mentally insane and you really find out how much people are willing to help you in making your dream come true.

I was asked by a friend today how many hours I have put into the novel I am currently working on. My close approximation is about 177 hours of writing, editing and rewriting. The first month I spent writing this dang novel equated to a part time job (which I didn’t earn a paycheck for). (Yet! I am always optimistic!) At any rate, these are not sane hours for one to keep. The time could have perhaps been cut in half, but due to my vice (read: WINE) it took a tad longer in the rewriting process. I am absolutely sick of my characters, just the other night; Quinn (the real annoying one) made a cameo in my dream. Like really? Where in hell did she come from?? So here I am, busting my hump to get this book off the ground and keep up the blog for those of you who are interested.

So! I was at lunch a couple weeks ago with my parents (and I would like to also add that before this story even gets off the ground that I was severely hung over. Not quite sure what happened the night before to render me so hung over, but whatever it was, I am sure it was fun. The tattoo I found on my lower back that said, “Fun Cheeks” ensured me of that. Not sure what that was about??) and we were talking about careers and jobs. It was at this point that my mom (who was particularly perky that morning) announced that I, who was on her left, was the next best thing to hit the Barnes and Nobel best sellers list. I about choked on my own tongue as the table turned to look at me expectantly.

My mouth suddenly went dry and all I could think was where am I? Am I still drunk? Who are these people? Am I still drunk? Did my mom just really tell all these people about my book? AM I STILL DRUNK?! Where did my mouth just go? As soberly as I could I smiled, nodded and tried to explain that the book wasn’t really that big of a deal to try and get the attention off me. This was by far the ONLY TIME IN MY LIFE when I didn’t want the limelight and apparently no one was picking up my ESP vibes.

In true mom fashion (well my mom’s fashion) she went on to tell the table of ten what a wonderful daughter, writer, employee, citizen I was and she was so convincing that even I believed her and wondered when I was going to meet this said ‘daughter’ of hers. It wasn’t until she actually said my name that I connected the dots—it was me! My mom was talking about me!

It was at that moment that I decided I no longer needed to worry about my PR rep for when I became famous one day. My mom would take care of that in one fail swoop. As for my job now, I wonder if my work would allow me to take my mom on interviews with me…She does a way better job presenting me than I do!