As most of you know, I am planning to depart for Mexico soon. Leaving behind my precious cargo (daughter and husband) to their own devices*. Thing 1 and Thing 2 will also be on their own so I hope they don’t starve and my fake houseplants survive.
At any rate, I have thought about some activities of interest that I would like to do while livin’ la Vida Loca and one of these activities is drinking at a swim up bar. Those who know me well, know that I love the hot weather, have too many swimsuits/bikinis to count, particularly enjoy floating in my 12’ pool and especially enjoy all of this with a frozen margarita** in my hand. All of which leads me to believe that my return from Mexico may never happen—who would want to leave when the resort’s target demographic is me?! Hopefully my boss will forward my checks+ and my husband and daughter will come looking for me at some point…but not too soon.
But I am off the point, the point is this—what exactly happens at a swim up bar? For example, when I go to a Mexican bar, I am typically served chips and salsa with my margarita. I have also been known to drop a chip or two on the floor or accidently spill a drink++. So what actually happens at the bar when you are sitting in the pool and drop something in? Does the wait staff run over with a little vacuum cleaner and suck that stuff up out of the water or are you then swimming in a sea of margarita mix, chips, and salsa#?
So, during my excursion to Margaritaville, I hope something is dropped in the pool. I will be waiting anxiously with my camera to document this wonder and post to Facebook. The only thing left to wonder now is:
Where do all the drunken people pee?
*Dear God , help us all.
**Let’s not kid ourselves here. I like ANY cold alcoholic beverage in my hand on a warm summer day while floating. Who doesn’t?
+Teleworking was invented for Mexico.
++This is an exaggeration. My drinks are never on the table long enough to spill. It’s usually some drunkard that leans into my table to slur some pick up line at me. Ew.
#This suddenly sounds like a dream come true.
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Saturday, September 25, 2010
Dogs in Public (or my house)
I love dogs. I must use that as my opening line or hate mail will certainly flood my in-box for what I am about say. However, I firmly believe in this post.
Dog lovers in America – why must you bring your four-legged friend with you to everything?
I don’t understand what has happened to otherwise sane people. They bring their dogs with them to everything. Just this summer, I have witnessed dogs in the following places*:
• Soccer games
• Football games
• Restaurants
• Hotels
• Funerals
• MY house (and it wasn’t my own dog)
• Parades
• Running races
These are just to name a few of the spots where I have spotted man’s best friend. People, I hate to be the smashhole who brings this up, but there are two things you must understand**; your dog is NOT a person and in some places, it is not okay to bring your pooch along.
On the first point, I have actually heard people say (and argue) that their dog was a person. In my head, I rebuttal with two main points, “Ah, no. It is a dog. No woman had intercourse and nine months later pushed your dog out.” And my second thought: “No matter how hard your dog tries, it could never run for political office, because it is, well (again I sound like an asshole here) a dog!” Do I really need to explain this point any further? And why do I appear to be the bad girl when these facts are stated? It’s not my fault that your dog has paws instead of fingers.
On the other side, there are places where it is appropriate and inappropriate to bring your dog. My house, for example, is inappropriate. I have two cats. Would you like me to bring them over and let them loose in your home? I doubt it. I have often pondered loading them up in their carrier and taking them to a friend’s house. Imagine the shock when Thing 1 and Thing 2 bolt out of their crates in the friend’s house to poop in the potted plants and climb the curtains? HA! Take that, you dog-lover-who-brings-your-dog-over-to-shit-on-my-floor! HA HA HA!
What started this whole topic today was that while watching my daughter’s game this morning a Saint Bernard ran onto the field. Really? This isn’t even a trendy dog that fits in a purse! So, while I was content to keep my mouth shut and not comment on the topic, the annoying dog lovers (who cram their dogs down my throat) evoked this post.
With that, I would like my final thought to be this: If your dog is worth something to you, take its picture and put it on the front of a t-shirt. I will acknowledge it from there. Unless of course you or your dog is hideously ugly....In that case, no matter what you do will elicit my attention...well, nudity always does, but that's for another post.
*Note that none of these are service dogs.
**Lest you garner yourself an asshole for the remainder of your existence.
Dog lovers in America – why must you bring your four-legged friend with you to everything?
I don’t understand what has happened to otherwise sane people. They bring their dogs with them to everything. Just this summer, I have witnessed dogs in the following places*:
• Soccer games
• Football games
• Restaurants
• Hotels
• Funerals
• MY house (and it wasn’t my own dog)
• Parades
• Running races
These are just to name a few of the spots where I have spotted man’s best friend. People, I hate to be the smashhole who brings this up, but there are two things you must understand**; your dog is NOT a person and in some places, it is not okay to bring your pooch along.
On the first point, I have actually heard people say (and argue) that their dog was a person. In my head, I rebuttal with two main points, “Ah, no. It is a dog. No woman had intercourse and nine months later pushed your dog out.” And my second thought: “No matter how hard your dog tries, it could never run for political office, because it is, well (again I sound like an asshole here) a dog!” Do I really need to explain this point any further? And why do I appear to be the bad girl when these facts are stated? It’s not my fault that your dog has paws instead of fingers.
On the other side, there are places where it is appropriate and inappropriate to bring your dog. My house, for example, is inappropriate. I have two cats. Would you like me to bring them over and let them loose in your home? I doubt it. I have often pondered loading them up in their carrier and taking them to a friend’s house. Imagine the shock when Thing 1 and Thing 2 bolt out of their crates in the friend’s house to poop in the potted plants and climb the curtains? HA! Take that, you dog-lover-who-brings-your-dog-over-to-shit-on-my-floor! HA HA HA!
What started this whole topic today was that while watching my daughter’s game this morning a Saint Bernard ran onto the field. Really? This isn’t even a trendy dog that fits in a purse! So, while I was content to keep my mouth shut and not comment on the topic, the annoying dog lovers (who cram their dogs down my throat) evoked this post.
With that, I would like my final thought to be this: If your dog is worth something to you, take its picture and put it on the front of a t-shirt. I will acknowledge it from there. Unless of course you or your dog is hideously ugly....In that case, no matter what you do will elicit my attention...well, nudity always does, but that's for another post.
*Note that none of these are service dogs.
**Lest you garner yourself an asshole for the remainder of your existence.
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
In a Million Words or Less...
Tiana's new Literacy teacher, Ms. Shrum (a.k.a. Katie Shrum's mother in law) (a.k.a. *Tony Shrum's mom) sent home some homework for us deadbeat parents to do. Now, I don't know about the rest of ya'll but I finished college a while back and have a $40,000 piece of paper that says I don't have to do homework anymore.... But! Since that piece of paper isn't paid off, and I think Ms. Shrum has the authority to send my kid to detention, I did the homework**.
The homework assignment was to write about your student to help the teacher get to know your child***. The following is what I submitted (really complete with header!):
Dacia Stricklett
(Tiana Dunbar's Mom)
September 7, 2010
Literacy/Shrum
In a Million Words or Less…
Tiana Dunbar. Really? What more needs to be said? She is by far the biggest rockstar her dad and I know. She is constantly surfing iTunes to download the latest and greatest music, all the while grooving out to what she already has streaming into her ear buds.
I lovingly refer to her as my ‘fashionista’ as she is equally engrossed with fashion as she is with music. As a regular subscriber to Teen Vogue, she will try just about any new trend out there — from scarves to hats, skinny jeans to flare or boot cut — Tiana knows what to put together to maintain her status as a fashion icon.
However, do not let these seemingly girlish things fool you! She is one intelligent young woman. Tiana excels in every subject as she yearns to learn about the world around her. She is a well rounded student who studies regularly and asks for help when needed. Some of her favorite subjects include math and P.E. but once you get to know her, you will soon realize what a great story teller she is too!
Tiana likes to be the center of her attention, much like her mom, and can tell tales that will have her audience in stitches often. A wise teacher would keep a close eye on this show stopper as she can tend to distract if given the opportunity. That may seem like a negative characteristic, but sometimes the distractions in life are what add to the scenery of the journey.
As an athlete in many sports, a friend to many, a good student, and the world’s best daughter — it’s hard to keep this assignment to one page. However, I must, as I am sure there are other students you need to read about although most (I would have to say in my very unbiased opinion :)) are probably not as entertaining as Miss Tiana Dunbar!
Enjoy the school year!
*Tony is married to Katie if any of you weren't making the connection. :)
**And I would like to add that I turned it in 16 days before it was due... Take note procrastinators!
***Really, we all know this is the exercise to weed out the 'bad' kids.
The homework assignment was to write about your student to help the teacher get to know your child***. The following is what I submitted (really complete with header!):
Dacia Stricklett
(Tiana Dunbar's Mom)
September 7, 2010
Literacy/Shrum
In a Million Words or Less…
Tiana Dunbar. Really? What more needs to be said? She is by far the biggest rockstar her dad and I know. She is constantly surfing iTunes to download the latest and greatest music, all the while grooving out to what she already has streaming into her ear buds.
I lovingly refer to her as my ‘fashionista’ as she is equally engrossed with fashion as she is with music. As a regular subscriber to Teen Vogue, she will try just about any new trend out there — from scarves to hats, skinny jeans to flare or boot cut — Tiana knows what to put together to maintain her status as a fashion icon.
However, do not let these seemingly girlish things fool you! She is one intelligent young woman. Tiana excels in every subject as she yearns to learn about the world around her. She is a well rounded student who studies regularly and asks for help when needed. Some of her favorite subjects include math and P.E. but once you get to know her, you will soon realize what a great story teller she is too!
Tiana likes to be the center of her attention, much like her mom, and can tell tales that will have her audience in stitches often. A wise teacher would keep a close eye on this show stopper as she can tend to distract if given the opportunity. That may seem like a negative characteristic, but sometimes the distractions in life are what add to the scenery of the journey.
As an athlete in many sports, a friend to many, a good student, and the world’s best daughter — it’s hard to keep this assignment to one page. However, I must, as I am sure there are other students you need to read about although most (I would have to say in my very unbiased opinion :)) are probably not as entertaining as Miss Tiana Dunbar!
Enjoy the school year!
*Tony is married to Katie if any of you weren't making the connection. :)
**And I would like to add that I turned it in 16 days before it was due... Take note procrastinators!
***Really, we all know this is the exercise to weed out the 'bad' kids.
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