Dogs in Public (or my house)

I love dogs. I must use that as my opening line or hate mail will certainly flood my in-box for what I am about say. However, I firmly believe in this post.

Dog lovers in America – why must you bring your four-legged friend with you to everything?

I don’t understand what has happened to otherwise sane people. They bring their dogs with them to everything. Just this summer, I have witnessed dogs in the following places*:

• Soccer games
• Football games
• Restaurants
• Hotels
• Funerals
• MY house (and it wasn’t my own dog)
• Parades
• Running races

These are just to name a few of the spots where I have spotted man’s best friend. People, I hate to be the smashhole who brings this up, but there are two things you must understand**; your dog is NOT a person and in some places, it is not okay to bring your pooch along.

On the first point, I have actually heard people say (and argue) that their dog was a person. In my head, I rebuttal with two main points, “Ah, no. It is a dog. No woman had intercourse and nine months later pushed your dog out.” And my second thought: “No matter how hard your dog tries, it could never run for political office, because it is, well (again I sound like an asshole here) a dog!” Do I really need to explain this point any further? And why do I appear to be the bad girl when these facts are stated? It’s not my fault that your dog has paws instead of fingers.

On the other side, there are places where it is appropriate and inappropriate to bring your dog. My house, for example, is inappropriate. I have two cats. Would you like me to bring them over and let them loose in your home? I doubt it. I have often pondered loading them up in their carrier and taking them to a friend’s house. Imagine the shock when Thing 1 and Thing 2 bolt out of their crates in the friend’s house to poop in the potted plants and climb the curtains? HA! Take that, you dog-lover-who-brings-your-dog-over-to-shit-on-my-floor! HA HA HA!

What started this whole topic today was that while watching my daughter’s game this morning a Saint Bernard ran onto the field. Really? This isn’t even a trendy dog that fits in a purse! So, while I was content to keep my mouth shut and not comment on the topic, the annoying dog lovers (who cram their dogs down my throat) evoked this post.

With that, I would like my final thought to be this: If your dog is worth something to you, take its picture and put it on the front of a t-shirt. I will acknowledge it from there. Unless of course you or your dog is hideously ugly....In that case, no matter what you do will elicit my attention...well, nudity always does, but that's for another post.

*Note that none of these are service dogs.

**Lest you garner yourself an asshole for the remainder of your existence.