Weight Gain

I quit smoking four months ago. I know this should be really good for me, but in reality, I just traded up from lung disease to heart disease because I can’t keep the fork out of my mouth. I see that this is normally a problem for most when they quit smoking, but honestly, my muffin top is morphing into a loaf. My husband, bless his soul, is trying to shed some weight with me.

Being the great support system we are, we write out a grocery list that is complete with healthy fruits, veggies, non-fat this, low calorie that and we are determined to be the next models of fitness magazine…Until the other one isn’t looking.

Just the other day, I was dumping some coffee grounds into the garbage when I noticed a Burger King bag precariously hidden beneath other garbage. Does my husband really think I don’t search the trash?? C’mon! I love to snoop; I actually have that listed as a hobby on Facebook! When I confronted him with the bag, he pretended like he had no idea it was there and couldn’t understand why ANYONE in our house would order a double Whopper with extra bacon and mayo. The audacity of someone in our house doing that is absurd! He only stopped yapping when my eyes narrowed on the Burger King cup in front of him. Like a deer in headlights, he dare not acknowledge the cup but rather paid me a compliment on my slippers. Game over buddy.

So back to myself. I made an honest effort to go running the other day. It is something I enjoy to do, yet, I have built parameters in which it makes it almost impossible to run. For example, I don’t like to run right when I wake up. That’s way too much, too soon and honestly people, you know me—when do I ever wake up on a day that I can run in the morning NOT hung over? My point is made.

However, the other philosophy is that if I get moving really soon after I wake, my brain hasn’t woken up enough to realize that exercise is happening. So really, it’s a 50/50 shot on the timing of the run. I don’t like to run when it’s warm. I already sweat like a pig in menopause that I don’t need the sunshine contributing. BUT! The gray skies are depressing to run in so it really needs to be a mix of blue skies with the sun partially hidden behind clouds. You can imagine my plight and what a chore running can be for me. Did I mention I only run on flat terrain?

I digress…today I decided that I would eat healthy and run after work. I brought everything with me and listened to New Kids on the Block all the way in to the office. I put myself in a positive mental state and was ready to kick some caloric ass when I parked my car. I headed into my building (running gear in hand) and took the elevator from the garage to the second floor. Wait?! WHAT?! NO WONDER I AM GAINING WEIGHT! I prepare myself for a healthy day, and then avoid 4 flights of stairs and unconsciously take the elevator….

***Sigh*** I can’t win.

Moral of the story:

Someone, please get me a cigarette and for goodness sake; clean out the McDonald’s wrappers hidden in my trunk before my husband finds them.